


Recovery

by Aobadaboob



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Death, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Suicide Attempt, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 10:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2345777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aobadaboob/pseuds/Aobadaboob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamamoto has been acting strange for a week now and Tsuna has become worried over his Rain Guardian. Tsuna manages to come at the wrong moment, during a repass of Tsuyoshi, Yamamoto's father, who died in his sleep. Yamamoto develops depression and Tsuna tries his best to help him out.<br/>Edit: Most likely not to be updated. If it is, happy birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ever since Monday, Yamamoto had been acting odd. His looks had become more distant and his mind would be elsewhere, or more than usual. He smiled less and when he did, it seemed to be agonizing and just… difficult for him. Nobody has really noticed much but he has been slouching and just down. Tsuna had become a worry wort over his best friend, even to the point of trying to give him pointless looks when he was sleeping behind a book in class.

This was making the meek brown haired boy anxious and his stomach was literally churning with hot acid. The boy felt like crying, although he had no reason to. When Tsuna instigated Reborn about Yamamoto, the hitman simply jumped on him for trying to get away with something like that.

“If you wanna know, just ask,” he said as he fell back onto the floor with a soft click of his shoes.

“I-I know that! I just thought you might be able to tell me something. He isn’t acting right. I know something is wrong, I just can’t pinpoint the problem…” Reborn looked at Tsuna with an indescribable expression. He hummed quietly and then shooed at the soft eyed brunette once he was done thinking.

“He’s your guardian of rain. If he’s feeling this way then you should step in. Moreover, he’s your best friend so why don’t you stop by his house.” There was that expression again and it made the meek teenager anxious again. It wasn’t a question, he realized but more of a passive order. He was meant to consider it but in the end, it didn’t matter. He would at some point go to Yamamoto’s house and find what the problem was. 

And so, Tsuna took his tutor’s advice and walked with a nervous twitchy step to the Yamamoto residence. He didn’t understand why he was this nervous. Yamamoto was his friend, a friend that was always there even when he didn’t really know just what was going on, his smile and attitude would lift anyone’s spirit. And whenever he would hug Tsuna, he would feel his warmth and smile playing on his lips. The brunette was so comfortable just speaking with the baseball nut and he was just okay with it, even giving honest responses. Then why now did he feel like his happy friend was slipping off? The only time this ever happened was-

It was when he planned to jump off a building. 

He was distant, not there. That light that Tsuna had admired in those powerful brown eyes of his had dimmed and they looked down more often. He broke his arm and that was the cause of those feelings but he hasn’t looked that way in so long. It was almost too hard to remember how they became friends now and when Yamamoto felt so useless and unhappy. 

Tsuna’s paced quickened now, the feeling of dread and stupidity for not asking earlier about his friend’s ‘absence’. Upon arrival at the Yamamoto residence, he saw people dressed in formal attire standing outside, chattering in a gloomy atmosphere. By this time, Tsuna was breathing in quick, his eyes bulging and tears threatened to fall. His anxiety and worry caused him to run on in the residence, tearing the crowd around him to find his rain guardian- no - his friend. Everything was going so fast now, the voices of those who were scared by the demanding nature Tsuna had acquired to tear the crowd apart to find his friend. It was weird. It was so weird, this place as compared to the last time he visited. 

It felt like hours, tearing people apart and, like a rabid animal, looking for his friend. It wasn’t until someone pulled him aside and asked him what he was doing that he snapped out of it. The only trace left of his previous manner was his frantic beating heart. 

“I-I’m looking for Yamamoto..!” His big amber brown eyes looked at the man who immediately looked sympathetic. 

“I’m a friend of Tsuyoshi. I mean… was a friend. Everyone here was. This is a repass for Tsuyoshi’s untimely death.” The gears started to turn in Tsuna’s head as the man breathed in a shaky breath and held a hand to his mouth. Tears prickled his eyes and one tear fell before the tall and lanky man smiled solemnly and whispered his apologies. “Yamamoto left some time ago. If he isn’t here he is most likely playing baseball or at the park… He looked worse for wear, that young boy.” 

“Thank you!” Tsuna began to exit before the man pulled at the brunette’s shoulder and spoke. “Make sure he’s okay.” He let go and Tsuna was on his way again, with a determined and worried expression on his face. He treked his way out of the residence and maneuvered through people standing and talking with nostalgic looks in their eyes, most likely remembering Yamamoto’s father. 

The teenager looked right and left, and then headed towards the park, his intuition telling him he would be there, pushing himself on an all too small swing for his tall stature. It took some time to get there, running wasn’t his best ability even with all that training he was doing with Reborn still. One foot after the other, he got to the park and swept the area with his eyes ready to pop out from keeping a look out for the tall, depressed male. His intuition was spot on when he finally spotted the young man swinging with lack of energy on the swings, his hands gripping the metal firmly with his arms swinging along with his body uselessly. 

At that moment, he looked up, his eyes red and puffy. He noticed how his nose was red and dripping, his sleeves on his tux were wet as were his pants, specifically on his lap where the tears fell. Tsuna’s stomach churned with acid and his throat began to form a tight ball. His heart beat would pound against his ears. No, he was never supposed to see this side of Yamamoto ever again. His friend was meant to always be happy and be dense. He was the rock that kept everyone in line somehow. But here he was, starting to look like a deer caught in the headlights and his expression hardening as he held back another round of tears. Being caught like this… 

“Tsuna,” his shivering and exhausted voice called out to the brunette with pleading eyes. Tears were falling without a care now, held back sobs came out of those lips that would smile in the toughest situation. His rock had crumpled right before his very eyes, just like that day. 

Without a second thought, Tsuna ran over and held Yamamoto in a hug, the other male had arose from the swing only to fall onto his knees and wail loudly. He cried into the smaller male’s shoulder with such pain in his heart, his father was dead and he had no clue on what to do. He would be put up for adoption with no other family members to take care of him. His family’s dojo, Sushi bar, his house, all his memories… Gone. All gone. Most importantly, he would never see his old man again. He called out to his father in an sob, his strong tone body shaking at Tsuna’s fingertips. There was a wet feeling from Tsuna’s shoulder down towards his breast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I've put this on ffn because im a scared bby but here it is on ao3. Nice. I will be adding more tags as this work goes along and try not to put too many ANs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: more crying and sadness basically.

They lied there for a while, Yamamoto holding onto dear life that was Tsuna and the brunette rubbing circles into his back while failing terribly to hold back the choked sobs coming from his own lips. Eventually they would have to pull apart but as Yamamoto began to silence himself and his shirt drenched in with mixed tears and mucus, he felt the male relax but the grip the black haired male had on Tsuna was too strong to just try and make him let go.

“Yamamoto?” Tsuna called out quietly with his own voice somewhat quivering. The other made no sound other than a shaky sigh. Then came a small ‘mhmm?’ signifying that Tsuna could keep going. “How.. How did he… Y’know.” The word seemed to be caught in his throat before he could even utter ‘die’ before the teenager. A hard swallow and two shaky sighs later, Yamamoto pulled himself off of the small teen, his head pulled down low and left over tears dripping from the bridge of his nose. The dark haired male rubbed the liquid off and tried to compose himself for his friend who was currently waiting for an answer, avoiding the disappointment of looking down to his ruined shirt since there were more important matters to attend to.

“I’m sorry. It got all over you,” Yamamoto let out a half hearted smile before it turned into a frown and his eyes showed more tears, tears that were still going strong. Another shaky sigh and his body went straight, propping his drooping back with a sudden crack. He seemed to be preparing himself for the long explanation that was soon to come. Once he did finish, Yamamoto could barely keep eye contact with Tsuna, looking at those brown orbs filled with concern just made the teen want to fall on his shoulders and continue crying. Instead he looked around him. He looked at the monkey bars that he fell and never tried to get on again until his father made him, encouraging that one must face their fears.His small body swung back and forth as his hands would go one by one, travelling across until he didn;t have enough strength to move onto the next bar. His hands were on fire and his muscles were going to rip if he tried to hold out any longer. His father was chatting with a woman who had questioned him about directions. Thinking that he could land on his feet, Yamamoto let go, quickly regretting his decision. He fell on his ass rather than his feet, a throb going through his bottom and mid-section of his back. His father laughed at first until the young Yamamoto started tearing up and claiming he would never get on that devilish thing again while limping over to meet his father halfway. Tsuyoshi held him and tried to massage near where he fell before giving the boy kisses on his forehead and making a promise that when they got home, Yamamoto would eat all the sushi he wanted for braving it. Years later, he still hated the metal contraption. 

He hadn’t realized that he was crying. He hadn’t realized that his laugh was so disturbingly scratchy and all warped through more sobs coming through. Tsuna was leaning forward and taking the teen back into his arms, only thing was he was on a more dry side, filling the blue shirt up with tears and mucus once more. Memories were coming in left and right for the young teen, haunting him with the beloved thought of his father; the only parent and family he had. He didn’t stop though. Through all that sobbing, he tried to speak. It was hard to speak with a big lump in your throat. He started and stopped and eventually it came out muffled by Tsuna’s clothes as he held on tightly.

“He just… He just died a-and… I saw his d-dead body.” Yamamoto was hyperventilating and caused his torso to move rapidly as he took in air as quickly as he exhaled it. The brunette was in agony watching his friend and guardian in pain as his own parent died. Tsuna knew nothing about losing a parent. He still had his family, his father was away more often than he stayed but he always did have his mother. And now his family had extended even further. The Shimon, who had lost nearly everything, almost losing one another, The Varia, despite their rude behaviour and obvious dislike of Tsuna, The Chiavarone, the list goes on even down to Fuuta. Yamamoto was part of his extended family, and seeing that he was in pain… It made his heart throb. His eyes began to prickle with hot tears but none fell. It was Yamamoto who ended the hug, pushing Tsuna away gently and shaking his head. 

“We need to go home.” He breathed out and a hand reached behind his neck only to rub it in a weary manner. Tsuna held onto Yamamoto’s hand, making the taller teen look towards the brunette. 

“You can come home with me, you know. I don’t think it’s okay for you to be… there.” It took a little convincing after that. Reluctantly, Yamamoto decided to come with the smaller teen. Tsuna felt he had to watch over the unstable baseball player so that he could come back strong again. Being strong, didn’t really mean being impenetrable to feelings but embracing them and being able to stand. Right now, Yamamoto was embracing the feelings. He just needed to remember how to stand again.

The two made their way back to Yamamoto’s house/restaurant. Some people had already left that the over bearing crowd that was there when Tsuna left was now a tiny group of people near the entrance with worried expressions. One of them looked over at Tsuna and Yamamoto with with relief. He stepped toward them and sighed with a small smile evident on his face.

“We didn’t know what else to do other than wait here for you to come back… The repass is over and we didn’t want to leave your door open. You’re not staying here all alone, right? You can come with me and my wife will make room for you over there…” He looked toward Yamamoto and took in his appearance, noticing his puffy eyes and nose, the solemn expression he had on and the way his shoulders drooped. He shook his head and held Tsuna’s arm tight. With one look toward the emotionally distraught teen, Tsuna went ahead and explained what he was going to do.

“He’s sleeping over tonight. We just came back to lock the place up.” The young teen looked nervously toward the man as he looked down to him again and the towards Yamamoto. ‘He must think the whole arm holding thing is weird… I mean it sort of is weird. And my shirt is kind of really wet too.’ Tsuna thought as the older male nodded and assured that if he ever needed him, his name was Shin Satou, apparently, from the card he pulled out from his pocket and handed to Yamamoto. The baseball loving teen took it and looked at it briefly before nodding and expressing his gratitude with a small smile. “I’ll make sure to call if I have a need to. Thank you.”

The man simply smiled broadly and patted Yamamoto’s shoulder before calling back to the others to leave. It took a while since each one expressed their sadness or gave something to Yamamoto as a gift of some sort. They were finally gone by the time Yamamoto was running out space using his one arm to carry it all.

“You can let go of my arm and hold that if it’s too tricky to use one…” Tsuna looked towards Yamamoto with his eyes wide, waiting for the other to respond. He still had that same old look on his face. It was gloomy and just… Not Yamamoto at all. He was way different right now. This whole ordeal was… So weird with the way Yamamoto moved and acted. He wasn’t animated like he was before. The teen next to him was a shell of the person that once was. The only thing that was left in that shell was the possibility to gain him back. He just needed time and support. Something Tsuna would most definitely do to help his friend feel better.

“No I-I just… Let me hold it for a while. I can give you a shirt inside. Besides, I’ll need my things if I’m staying over.” Yamamoto tried to smile, his lips pulling upwards without much enthusiasm. It in turn made Tsuna’s heart throb as he returned the gesture back. 

His pulled himself a bit closer and tried to take some of the weight he had in his arms for easier access to the door once that awkward moment was over. The two headed on inside, closing the door behind them and heading up into the house part of the restaurant his father owned.


	3. Chapter 3

Yamamoto led the way up to his room, a mess of clothes, a table, two bookshelves under a window, and some baseballs lined up neatly. The clothes were on top of pillows near the table where Yamamoto most likely studied (although that seemed like some sort of dream rather than what Yamamoto would really do). He probably ate on the table from the looks of some crumbs on a paper and a cup full what seemed to be water. From the examining the table with pillows, the pillow near the entrance was his favorite, as it had a depression on it from the many times Yamamoto has probably sat or just relaxed on it. Going towards his bed was a bundle of sheets and a flat pillow. The decoration in the room was rather plain, although mostly everything was blue. The floor was a dark green while most everything was a very light shade of blue until you got to the bed and window drapes. At that point, it was just plain white. There wasn’t anything really notable except for the window sill. The window sill had a couple of ordinary baseballs, nothing written on them to make them any special. The baseballs looked as if they would fall at any moment onto the floor as the taller teen walked with an elegant stride towards his closet and pulled out a somewhat big shirt. It was bigger, compared to Tsuna’s smaller stature, but it would be fine to get out of his somewhat sticky and cold, wet shirt.

“I’ll pack a bag to stay over.” Tsuna nodded and stood near the entrance, looking around every once in a while as something caught his eye like the fading light in the room. It was about to get really dark soon. His mom would be a bit worried, especially with dinner being so close. Speaking of which, he needed to let her know Yamamoto was coming over. Maybe she could make something for him, if she hadn’t overdone the size of how many people ate dinner with the growing family. 

Tsuna was caught off guard when Yamamoto was near him again, this time with a hoodie. It had a nice design on it, definitely something the taller teen would find appealing as a baseball shot from one side and made a nice streak across the torso. It stopped abruptly in a light of glory, almost like the light was engulfing the baseball. In what Tsuna believed to be the Roman alphabet, it said something that no doubt had something to do with Yamamoto’s likes. ‘The baseball was a dead giveaway’ Tsuna thought as he took the hoodie gingerly. “Thank you. You honestly didn’t have to.” Tsuna gave a warm smile with his eyes searching Yamamoto’s. He wanted to see him at least a bit happier, even though he honestly had nothing to be happy about. 

Yamamoto’s eyes lit up from that dark mess he had inside those brown eyes of his. His lips pulled into a soft smile before nodding, “No problem,” and turning away to finish packing into his knapsack. Tsuna was quiet once again. His arms went down to the hem of his shirt and he removed it slowly, so that none of the mess on his shirt would get on his hair or face. His back turned instinctively and then the shirt was off. He didn’t know where to put it so he fidgeted for a while before raising his voice once again. 

“Um, where do I put this?” His voice was hushed, as if afraid to interrupt Yamamoto from his packing. He should have been almost done so what was the harm. There was a soft ‘hmm?’ from the back of the room where Tsuna’s back was turned. Yamamoto stood up after Tsuna had started to mumble out replies about the shirt he needed to put away.  
“I’ll take that.. Ah! It’s so wet!” Yamamoto was shocked to find it as wet as it was. He had no idea just how much he cried on his small friend but it seemed like quite a lot. He looked down and apologized as Tsuna put on the somewhat big jacket. Brunet just smiled nervously and looked down towards the floor too. Somehow, it was a bit awkward. Yamamoto made it back to his spot and shoved the shirt somewhere on a specific pile of clothes inside his closet. The taller teen took the knapsack by the top strap and put it on his left shoulder. He was back in his old way again, completely different than what Tsuna knew.

“Ready?” He asked, his face looking at Tsuna with his eyes all puffy. He wasn’t crying anymore, that was for sure, but his expression was full of pain. The brunet reluctantly nodded, and the swordsman prepared himself for a small moment before walking out of the room. Tsuna waited a bit, looking into the room. He had a feeling he wouldn’t see this place for a long time. And that made him feel a bit anxious yet he turned on that room and walked with his friend. Despite the obvious heavy bag Yamamoto held with all its weight on that one shoulder, he kept his right hand free and swaying back and forth. Tsuna felt he needed to reach out for his rain guardian. If not, he would most certainly lose him in that void growing in his chest. 

His hand wrapped around that cold one of Yamamoto’s. The touch was shy on Tsuna’s part but in a matter of seconds, he gripped it tightly. The two were standing in the middle of the restaurant portion of the house, but that didn’t change anything. Tsuna and Yamamoto were friends. And he wasn’t going to let his friend continue to fall without at least someone holding his hand through it all. 

“Let’s go home then, Yamamoto.” With a shimmering and reassuring smile, Tsuna pulled on the stunned baseball nut with a clear path ahead to help him. He wasn’t going to just let him fall.

_____

Under a strict time limit, the two were running towards the Sawada residence. Surely Tsuna’s mother was worried over the whereabouts of her son. Tsuna had a tight grip on Yamamoto’s hand before he realized he might of been hurting the taller of the two. Their hands had begun to get sweaty, too. It was sort of gross but if this was the cost of friendship, then he would go through with it. Besides, he had done worse to ensure a friend’s safety as well as freedom. 

Yamamoto’s breathing was slow and even, unlike Tsuna’s. Tsuna wasn’t good at running but had slowly improved ever since Reborn came. It wasn’t much but he could run farther than when he did when Reborn wasn’t here. Yamamoto, however, was an athlete. He was on the baseball team and ran every morning before school started. He was running and training more than the brunet could with ease, too. It made him just a bit jealous. 

As the two ran, Tsuna took notice again of how it felt around him. Yamamoto seemed to put his mind on something else as he ran, probably focusing more on his breathing or just running to where Tsuna’s house was, although he was holding hands with Tsuna still so… That couldn’t possibly be it. Either way, it seemed as if Yamamoto was back to normal somewhat. He had a feeling it wouldn’t last long anyway, and that’s what made Tsuna feel sick in his stomach.

Eventually the two teens made it to the all too familiar house that the brunet boy lived in, his mother waiting outside with a not too amused expression, Reborn next to her in his own pajamas. Usually he would have that grin on his face, but, obviously, he didn’t have that smug expression. Instead, he bore a serious frown. Tsuna wasn’t a complete idiot, and he knew something was up. Come to think of it, it was Reborn in the first place who-

There came a smack as his mother’s rag came into contact with his head. Tsuna was then yelled at by his mother, her delicate yet worn fingers on her hips as she barked Tsuna down. Yamamoto still held hands with him, although the Rain Guardian’s eyes widened.

“You! What are you doing out so late like this!” Tsuna attempted to open his mouth, but he shut it close quickly, having felt that it was bad enough he made her wait outside for him. On another thought, he didn’t even know what time it was…

She still held her disappointed glare at the teen before going on and speaking once again. “I was worried sick about you. Don’t you know what time it is?! You even upset Reborn enough that he stayed out waiting with me. It’s time for bed young man.” Her arm waved over to Reborn, who’s night cap was slanted, making his curls unsymmetrical as one was a bit higher than the other. “... Is Yamamoto staying with us tonight?” Tsuna’s mother asked, her anger simmering down. She would speak to Tsuna later when there wasn’t a guest. Tsuna took this moment to explain, having needed to do so anyway.

“A-Ah yes, can he stay over for a while..?” Tsuna gave her a pleading look. He knew she would say yes, but asking was still a courtesy. the way his mother looked at Yamamoto and then looked to Tsuna was an answer enough, but she still felt the need to vocalize.

“Yamamoto is always welcome!” She cheered as she rushed over to his side, and ushered him inside, leaving Tsuna outside with Reborn. Things were somehow tense, but, as always, Tsuna talked to the arcobaleno. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have found out way sooner instead of having to… To find out like that.” He could not yet say the words, considering the fact that the image of how he handled himself earlier wasn’t a pretty sight. He could only imagine how it was for the young teen to find his father lying still, without a trace of life in his body. “I-It wasn’t funny…”

“I never said it was. But you weren’t making a move, so I pushed you along.” Somehow, that was all Tsuna really needed to know. It was true that he hadn’t done much, despite knowing that Yamamoto was hurting. His chest twisted in response to that, and it caused him to wince when the brunette felt tears brimming his eyes. No, he couldn’t cry. Not now, anyway. Reborn pushed him in the right direction, yes, although the way he did it wasn’t really… Preferable. It was his mistake for not confronting Yamamoto when he started acting all out of order, something he rarely ever did. 

Tsuna let out a sigh, calming himself down before swallowing hard and looking towards Reborn. “Thank you. I’ll make sure to react faster.” His intuition did warn him something was amiss, but he always pushed that feeling down his gut and avoided it, not realizing it wasn’t the sort of danger he would rather not face, but rather his friend in need of him. The conversation left a sour taste in his mouth, but it was better late than never, although, he would have preferred it if it was way sooner. He would need to speak to Gokudera in the early morning once he was off his night shift at the convenience store he worked at. Tsuna had a feeling he wouldn’t really be getting much shut eye.

Reborn began making his way into the house and Tsuna followed suit, letting another heavy sigh escape his chapped lips.


	4. Chapter 4

Tsuna’s mother was calmly speaking with Yamamoto, a gentle smile on her face. Although it was hard to tell if the teen was comforted being near the mother or felt a bit awkward with his situation, he seemed to be having a good time speaking with her. The only thing that seemed off was where he placed his arm during the chat. His large hands gripped tightly onto his free arm and his posture almost seemed like he was shrinking. He probably wasn’t much in the mood to chat up with someone other than Tsuna, but he continued anyway. Probably out of courtesy.

 

Tsuna was in the hallway with Reborn walking casually to the room Tsuna shared with him. Knowing him, he’d most likely knock out once he got into his respective space. Meanwhile Yamamoto and Tsuna would share the bed tonight.

 

“Oh! I’m sorry for keeping you two waiting. I’ll serve you your dinner before you both head off to bed.” Mrs. Sawada bounced with energy into the kitchen and began to warm up the dinner they had missed just not too long ago. It left the rain guardian alone with Tsuna, who couldn’t help feel a bit… Off. He didn’t know what to talk about, and it just made him feel out of place just standing there.

 

“... Tsuna?” Yamamoto came close and put a hand on the brunette's bicep. “Do… Do you think we can just go to bed? I’m not…” He left off and began again, “I’m tired.”

 

Tsuna took a moment. He breathed in slowly, and nodding softly before giving out a verbal response. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll go… Um, I’ll meet you upstairs, then.” The other male smiled softly. He noted how swollen his eyes had become, as if he got decked in the face just moments before. “... Wash up first..!” It was his parting response before heading off into the kitchen and confronting his mom. Yamamoto stood there for a moment before going up, the tension that Yamamoto had had began to dissipate once he got far enough from them. It wasn’t that he hated their company, no, it was just… At this moment, he wasn’t fit to add onto conversations so easily. He was left without house or family now. He could have stayed, but knowing the imminent future, he decided to stay somewhere else rather than in that place so full of memories and life.

 

He couldn’t. He would jump the nearest building if he had stayed.

 

Tsuna had called out to his mom who was busy putting food onto plates and getting ready to heat them up in the microwave. It hadn’t been too long since everyone had finished and left for their room, so the food shouldn’t have been too cold. Maybe she could even stay with the two while they ate so that they wouldn’t feel too lonely? Those were her thoughts right before Tsuna came to her and stopped her from putting rice in a bowl.

 

“Yamamoto wants to sleep, and I’m not hungry right now… Neither of us are.” The brunette didn’t really feel confident looking into her eyes, afraid her motherly rage could affect him from just her gaze alone. She nodded slowly, putting the bowl down onto the counter of the kitchen. Her face was unreadable, and it just made this situation even more awkward.

 

“...Where were you two? I want to know what’s going on. I… I don’t want you keeping secrets from me, young man.” Her tone was serious and firm. She was not going to let him leave the room without and answer. Even if it was personal, she was worried about her son going off without her knowing a thing. What if he never even came home tonight? What if he was left out in the gutters of the streets to rot, having died by a fatal blow of a murderer unknown? She believed he could take care of himself but… A mother never truly lived a life without worry of her children and if they will live on in peace. Without Iemitsu here and making money for the family far away, it felt almost as if her son would be taken away too. Something would take him from her in the worst possible way. It was as if she had her own intuition, one that kept her up at night, constantly waiting for her son to never return.

 

Tsuna looked scared. His face paled and his gaze fixated onto the floor. Should he really just… Say this? It was a heavy load to carry, and it wasn’t as if she didn’t meet Tsuyoshi before. They had eaten together and gone to festivals… They weren’t always close, after all, they had just recently met but still… The brunette’s eyes became hard with the troubles that swirled and ate away at him. He took a deep breath and just let what was on his chest go.

 

“Yamamoto’s dad has… passed. I just found out today and I was helping him cope down at the park before, uhm… We went to his house and picked up his stuff to… to come here.” Tsuna let out a harsh breath and swallowed hard, taking a good look at his mother before pursing his lips closed. The expression on her face was blank. it was as if Tsuna had thrown away the couch cushion again like he had a month ago after training in the mountains with Reborn. It was done by pure accident, but he was just so out of it that day that he had mistaken the couch cushion as his bag of chips that he had taken with him to the safe spot other than his room to watch anything that was on at that time. She wasn’t too angry at him, but Reborn had punished him later on that day.

 

Tsuna’s mother took in a shaky breath, the news weighing heavily on her before she spoke. Her hazel eyes looked at him, pain evident. She hadn’t heard of this at all. She wouldn’t react that way if she didn’t know… That and he didn’t see her at the repass while looking for Yamamoto. “... Oh,” she sniffled and her eyes started to tear up. One tear fell from her eyes, one after another, and her voice cracked as she tried to speak.

 

“He can stay… I-I didn’t know.” She puts a hand on her mouth, obvious discomfort with the news spreading on her face quickly. There was a flash of regret now that she knew he was gone. They were friends, after all, and the thought of not even knowing he was gone was… Unnerving. Tsuna pulled out a chair quietly and sat down, only to continue to explain what had happened and how upset Yamamoto had been. He didn't explain too much, just all that was necessary.

 

\----------

 

Yamamoto had gotten up the stairs easily, although his feet felt like they were dragging with every step gradually. He felt a lack of motivation with everything he ever did, and the time seemed to either keep going slow or fast forward all too often. Time in this very moment felt like an illusion, and that deep hole that seemed to grow in his chest only hurt more with a need. It felt heavy, causing his back to curl into himself. The rain guardian’s shoulders would sag as he trudged into the bathroom, a sudden need to escape the view from others became urgent.

He knew this feeling. He knew it too well. Tsuna helped him once, and he was counting on him to help at least learn to stand once again.

 

_Everything is fine. Everything is okay. Everything will be okay, soon. I… I’m okay._

 

The thoughts pooling in his head were all the same. It repeated quietly until it became a pestering itch inside of him. No matter what he told himself, it didn’t make his legs quit shaking and his breathing so heavy. It was so heavy… It was so hard to even take it in anymore.

 

Once he was inside the confines of the bathroom of the Sawadas, his legs gave out and a shaky breath escaped his lips. A glimpse of his father’s hardened face gave him a pang in his heart. It felt all so heavy… His body was just too heavy to carry around. Tears began to fall from his eyes as he breathed in the air heavily. His chest expanded with resistance, and he began to let it out once more painfully. The morning when he found his father’s dead body was so hard for him. He convinced himself he was okay. He thought he was. He left the house with the constant pestering thought of his rigid body and the smell in that room. He was so pale… Was he okay? He wasn't… Breathing.

 

_He’s okay. You’re okay. Go to school now._

 

Yamamoto didn't stop by at Tsuna’s house that morning. He went straight to school, a nervous flutter of his fingers keeping him grounded to the constant thought of his father lying dead on his mattress was pulling at his brain. Each moment, he thought of the smell. The plaster-like skin of his, those cold fingers of his...

 

_Those cold hands. White skin like a sheet. The smell..._

_Did he die awake?_

_No, no, he isn't dead._

…

 

**He’s dead.**

 

It was a slow conclusion. No matter how much he denied it, the truth was, his father was gone. He continued to question himself. Maybe… Maybe it was the lighting in the room. He wasn’t too lively looking for someone sleeping, but he had been working so hard during the weekdays, so he dismissed it, although the thought of the possibility haunted him enough. He felt like just getting out of his seat during class and just go back home. Just to check on him. Who knew? He could have been standing there, chopping sushi for a customer...

  
But he wasn’t. He will never be. His smile, his stern look whenever he would sneak a couple of Nigiri from the wooden slab after it had been done being prepared. His big hands pressing against his back when he tried to do his homework on the benches in the restaurant. Those rough lips that would kiss his forehead whenever he wasn’t feeling too well.

 

A shaky breath escaped his lips, his heart throbbed against his chest painfully. The tears fell one by one, slowly, but each one caused more pain to resonate in his chest. Choked breathing, his sniffling, and those all too familiar quick breaths was the only sound in the room other than the small, insignificant dripping of water down the sink drain.

 

A knock resonated in that otherwise quiet bathroom. A meek voice came from outside where Yamamoto kept his back against.

 

His head throbbed slowly, the room before him was distant, and he stood again. It was okay. He was okay. Yamamoto met his face in the reflection of the mirror, his eyes red and swollen. His jaw felt heavy and the mucus in his nose blocked out the smell. There was another knock on the door, Tsuna’s warm yet soft voice came through. it was different, he noted. Full of worry. How long had he been inside the bathroom for? How long had he cried from those memories?

 

“Yamamoto..?”

 

There was no response from the tall teen, only the dazed look as he grew to hate his reflection. Every little feature was…

 

It left him feeling disgusted. His crying didn’t stop. He continued, however, his struggle for breath had stopped almost completely. His father must be disappointed in him. All he was doing was sitting around, crying all day long. He did _nothing_ for his father. He who gave him all he ever _fucking_ could and not a _thing_ Yamamoto paid back to him. He was a useless son. Someone his father should have despised with his very being.

 

He let out a small sigh as he wiped away the tears.

 

 _Useless_. No one deserved someone this terrible. He felt sorry for his father, who worked to his last moments of life, wasting time on watching over a stupid son. He never brought back home good grades. He tried, of course, but he only passed on by with luck.

 

How did he ever love his stupid son? This good for nothing being, always joking, never serious enough… A joke.

 

The door opened, a small creak alarmed him, so he began to wipe away as much as he could before turning on the knob all the way to hot and splashed some water on his face.

 

“... You didn’t get a towel s-so I thought... “ The brunette pulled forward a rather large towel. It was white and plain, no unusual designs. He remembers all the other times he stayed over with Gokudera tagging along how he got a pink one. He used to think it was a flattering color, although Gokudera laughed at it the entire night and onto the next day. It was a running joke for over a week, and Tsuna had already had enough of the joke a good hour into Gokudera’s poking fun of Yamamoto. The brunette just kindly asked for him to quit mentioning it around him, to which he followed happily.

 

Yamamoto pulled the cloth close to him, muttering a small thank you as he tucked it neatly on the counter.

 

“You can take a shower if you want, you know...:” Tsuna hung awkwardly by the door, his fingers fidgeting the lock on the door every once in a while. He was nervous. It was obvious, especially with how fresh the tear stains on his face was. “... Do you wan-”

 

“Later.”

 

Tsuna pursed his lips. He was stepping on eggshells it seemed. “... It’s okay. I don’t mind waiting… Just… Wait for me in my room then. I’ll take care of my own business d-downstairs…” He began to mumble after the first few words and quickly decided to duck out of the bathroom. He was interrupting Yamamoto’s free time, and after all that happened to him this week, he definitely needed some space. But… Not too much to the point where he gets too far again. Not again.

 

This entire week had been stressful enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the long wait. I get… well, Lazy. I will be attempting to keep to a schedule. The schedule is just two weeks every Friday or Saturday, I will update one chapter. What I do is on docs I add one more page to what I write. This one was 5, next will be 6. I’ll stop at 12 pages and then it should be constant while I write this story out.
> 
> I honestly love this story I’m writing. Maybe not my best production, but it helps me in times where I feel a little less of myself. that’s how it started. Anyway, thanks for sticking close to this thing. Please do leave a comment with criticism because I often don’t feel like writing and those comments help me get these things out faster and start on another chapter. I might start a new project on the 6th chapter of this story for Hibari/Enma sort of thing so uh. Yeah. Nice.  
> EDIT: uh, yeah that thing right above about hibari/enma might not ever happen js folks. Also, there MAY not be a planned schedule considering its been two years or something similar to how LONG its been.


	5. Chapter 5 A Needed Reprieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamamoto takes a break in the shower and takes some much needed rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I didn't really believe I would update this ever again? My writing style from back then is WAY different than now. I Kind of wrote this when I was really alone and needed to just let it all go but stopped because I was afraid of getting flamed or w/e. Either way! After mentioning this on twitter and realizing that a good portion was already written by me in 2015, I just re-edited and wrote the end.  
> (also my friend Rohi seemed interested so.,., shout out to u bro)  
> I MAY keep writing but please don't expect anything. Here's chapter 5 folks. I haven't written for a long while, nor have I read KHR in my time away. I probably should though

Yamamoto didn't know how long he planned on staying in the bathroom, but for now, he felt at ease. There was some sort of tension always popping up whenever Tsuna came around, like he had nowhere to go but to face the music. And the music was enough to shatter his frame of mind any day. 

He was afraid of how close he could come to Tsuna, the other having already come too close for comfort. What if he said too much? What if it became such a heavy burden for him? He... He knew Tsuna cared for him, having already witnessed Yamamoto try to jump from the school building, but... He was still so very afraid. Afraid he would lose another important person in his life. Tsuna was all he had, all he would treasure, but he couldn't bear the thought of _him_ being the cause of Tsuna becoming distraught.

Tears were brimming his eyes again. His head throbbed painfully in turn, as if telling the teen there was almost no way it could take this emotional baggage. Instead, Yamamoto turned the faucet on the hottest setting, and splashed his face with the water. The sting it gave his face was appreciated, along with the burning his hands felt as he let the water run on his tan fingers. They turned a rosy red under the heat of the water, and that’s when he decided to pull his hands away from the running liquid, all before letting out a sigh.

A shower. He needed a shower just full of hot water, so he could curl up and wait for the feelings to ebb away under the heat of the shower head. If he were at home, no doubt that is what he would be doing. Yamamoto ran a hand through his jet black hair, feeling the water from his hands make his hair stick at odd ends and his fringe stick to his forehead. The teen took a deep breath, taking a gander at himself through the mirror. 

He rubbed his soft tongue against one of his teeth, its sharpness causing a slight pain of the tip of the tongue, but he quickly switched to chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. If he didn’t pay much attention, he could quickly draw blood. The thought enticed him, and no one would really notice since his face was swelling too much. If he had a drink of water, he was sure the migraine that began to take root and throb in small amounts would start to lessen. The back of his eyes felt like rusty needles were digging into the soft tissue that was his eyeballs. on the outside, however, his eyes were baggy and sunken in. He hasn’t slept properly in a few days, and now that everything has fallen right out, he hadn’t noticed just how _tired_ he looked. His hair fell flat and his skin looked too pale than it usually was. It was still that admirable tan he had, but, it was dull and almost too obvious he wasn’t eating properly. 

The teen let out a shaky sigh, tearing his eyes away from the mirror. It was dumb. This entire thing was dumb and he hated himself for letting it even get this bad. _He_ was the one who supported the group. _He_ was the one smiling through every bad obstacle. He was _their_ precious Rain Guardian who washed away the sin. Yet here he was, crumbling beneath the weight of his own sadness.

Yamamoto shook his head. No, no, he needed to take a shower. A shower, right now. Maybe if he repeated the same sentence over and over in his mind, he would finally take his clothes off and get inside the shower. The steam from the running faucet was beginning to obscure his vision in the mirror. He could see himself become a blur before long, and the change grounded him.

Shower.

The teen let his arms rise up to the hem of his shirt, and began to shed off his clothes, piece by piece. He entered the shower, and felt immediate regret. It was _piping hot_. Just what was wrong with the Tsuna’s water heater? Last time he got burned like this was that god awful time he offered to do the dishes for his mother. The thought sent a good feeling going through him, the very thought of a happier time made him feel relieved. If only for that moment, he felt like maybe he was better. Maybe it was the shower, it had been a while since he really took a good shower. 

With time, the overbearing heat from the water had gone and left him feeling numb. He went over his showering routine, and found himself with the water turning lukewarm, and then cold. When that happened, he turned off the water and stepped out. He didn’t feel all better, but it was something else. Yamamoto entertained the thought of going downstairs to get a drink of water, but realized he didn’t want to run into Nana. Asking Tsuna to snag him a drink didn’t sound too bad, but… He was already too much of a burden already. He cut out the thought of drinking water completely. He should just sleep.

Yamamoto began to pull on his clothes that he had taken off, feeling that two days wearing the same clothes wasn’t so bad when he heard someone rapping at the bathroom door. He wasn’t ready just yet, but he moved towards the door, feeling the weariness settle into his bones once again. Talking to someone wasn’t on his mind, in fact, he wanted to avoid communication entirely. Still, he opened the door and peeked out, his body hiding behind the door. 

“I heard the shower turn off, and thought to bring you my dad’s clothes. They Should be in your size, I know you’re _definitely_ not in mine. So, uh.” Tsuna bit his lip and chewed it as he looked up at Yamamoto. The future mafia boss felt flustered it seemed, considering how he ran on with a reason for giving him clothes. It wasn’t like he was going to say no though. Especially after a moment of rambling. He took the clothes in one of his arms, one hand wrapped around the door itself.

“Thank you, Tsuna.” he gave a small smile before nodding and closing the door. He heard a small sigh, probably in relief. 

“I-I’ll wait for you in my room.” with that, he heard the soft paps of his feet as he returned to his room. Yamamoto went back to the center of the bathroom and set his clothes on the rim of the sink and proceeded to change into Iemitsu’s clothes. Mentally, he never referred to Iemitsu as Tsuna’s father… he was barely there to interact with his own son. The last time he was even around was during those arcobaleno trials and even then Tsuna was uncomfortable with him. He still was. Tsuna doesn’t call him ‘dad’ anymore, either. He popped up soon after, during the summer after they graduated from being junior high schoolers and on their way to being high schoolers.He came back and ruined the summer, from what Yamamoto could remember. Tsuna would often stay over his home and Tsuyoshi would pull up some sushi to have Tsuna try. Iemitsu came on his last day, hugged Tsuna, and left. After that, Tsuna stuck around for one more night before heading back home, his shoulders drooping.

They never really talked about it. Yamamoto just knew. The two would visit Gokudera at his job and wait for his shift to end before they three goofed off or were pulled into some shenanigans. After Iemitsu left, Tsuna’s mood started to lift. 

He didn’t realize it, but Yamamoto had begun to stare at the carpet of the bathroom. The baseball player shook his head softly and dressed. He was mentally away from the moment. 

The door clicked open and Yamamoto with his clothes in tow walked towards his best friend’s room. The door opened up slowly for him, and he walked in, where Tsuna made a small gesture to his bed. “You can sleep on my bed tonight, y’know. If you want.”

Yamamoto rubbed his right eye. He was drowsy and nodded. The weight in his left arm was lifted as Tsuna traveled over to his laundry basket hidden in his closet where he deposited them. “I’ll ask mom if she can wash them tomorrow…” he mumbled. 

The taller of the two walked towards the bed, where he began to tuck himself away. On the floor, there were sheets and a pillow. It was a decent distance away from him, but he found himself unhappy with that fact. Reborn had his own spot across the room, but he found that the hitman was nowhere to be seen. Tsuna had turned off the light and all Yamamoto could hear was him walking close, only for him to hear the sheets rustle and stop. He let out a soft sigh. 

Minutes passed by, and he was hyper aware of Tsuna. The digital clock on the other side of the room read 11:34 pm and he couldn’t sleep. He probably wasn’t going to, despite how drowsy he felt. Still, he closed his eyes, regardless of how he could hear Tsuna breathe softly and how he turned. Whatever side he turned to, he couldn’t tell but part of him hoped he was just as aware of Yamamoto as he was of Tsuna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw i hate iemitsu its my hc that around tsuna's graduation from junior high that he and him had a fallout and basically tsuna told him to get lost. He doesn't show up much after, but Nana and him have a stern talking. Things really don't change much considering how Iemitsu keeps neglecting his son. Nana loves him and all but uh. nah what about our son, y'know?
> 
> They each dont bring up Iemitsu and when he is, Tsuna gets really tense.


End file.
